i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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