God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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