the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize