Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
