I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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