based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
