you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
