I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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