so explain again why im purple
no
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
