i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize