im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
