she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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