I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
