I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
even my farts smell like vagina
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
