The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
