covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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