Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
