if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
