I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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