She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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