i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
