she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
