I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
