Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize