Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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