It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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