around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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