im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
