i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
