Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
