90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Houston, we have a squirter
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
