I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
