He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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