My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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