that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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