i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
