He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
