i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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