I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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