the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
