i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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