I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We have so much sex to catch up on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
