It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
