The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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