she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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