I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
