You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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