I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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