Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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