Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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