Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I want a musical about memes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
