I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
