went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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