so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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