i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
