ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
