so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
