week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
