I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
