drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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