I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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