Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
