My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
