rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
