yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Are my feet made of real feet?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
