I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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