I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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