just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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