You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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