wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
