There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
