Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
