I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
