I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I need moral support for this bender
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
