Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
