her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
